Farewell...

Well everyone, it's been a terrific run.

I haven't really hinted at this much, but American Twentysomething as it is now is to be no more.

I have had some really great times posting on here and have met some wonderful and inspiring people.

Alas, the end... it's here.

To all my faithful readers and friends and others, thank you so much for everything.

And I see it only fitting that I leave you with this...

Go ahead. Click it.

...

Misconceptions

Some of you have heard the first part of this story before...

My father called me on Memorial Day of 2004.

"Do you know what happened on this day, 21 years ago?" he asked, sounding very proud of himself, with an I-know-something-you-don't-know smugness in his voice.

"No dad, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," I said, knowing my father's penchant for retarded - and useless - trivia. Put Dr. Dad on Jeopardy and he'll make Ken Jennings look like a caveman.



Uh... Sorry dudes.

Anyway, Dr Dad didn't seem perturbed by the sarcasm in my voice. On the contrary, he sounded all the more cheerful about what he was about to tell me.

"You were made."



The first thing that went through my mind was "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"



I didn't want to know about that. In fact, the only things I really wanted at that moment were:



and



Preferably, both of these would be used on my eyes.

However, later on, once I was able to stop thinking about it, this became something easier to deal with. Namely, I merely tormented other people with it rather than myself...

Like so:


Dora: Hey if you know any obscure trivia let me know...Melvin (her husband) knows so much junk I can't seem to stomp him...this trully is annoying
Dariush: i got one
Dora: ok
Dariush: Ask him what major event happened on Memorial Day Weekend of 1983
Dariush: do it now
Dora: what's the answer
Dariush: i will tell you after you ask him
Dora: he's not here
Dariush: That's the weekend I was conceived.
Dora: oh good Gaud!
Dariush: Do it. He'll never get it.
Dora: I really didn't need to hear that
Dora: and that doesn't count
Dora: it has to be common knowledge stuff
Dariush: What? it's not like you didn't realize that
Dariush: OUR MOM HAD SEX
Dariush: :)
Dora: I rather like to think we were all adopted
Dora: ADOPTED!!!!
Dariush: *gives The Look*


Ah, another sibling tormented. My work is done here.

The Checklist

As stolen from Karl.

Checklist Meme - AKA, I am bored before class, and Karl did something cool.

Just bold the things you have accomplished in your life.

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was wasted
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently - not quite, but close
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication - does my blog count?
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read something they wrote
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

75 of 150. Not bad.

Back in the swing of things

Methinks I took that ellipsis a bit too seriously.

Where were we? Ah, yes! My back.

Some would say I've lived quite the charmed life. I'm not going to argue with that, because it's pretty much true. I will, however say, that my life has also fallen into sync in a way that can best be described by a motivational poster.



Leave it to me to injure my back the week of the construction of our Kingdom Hall.

Now, let's toss in Kentucky weather into the mix. That week JUST SO HAPPENS to be one of two weeks that the site will be pummelled by storms. The week before, a tornado pretty much ripped through the county and through the site. Several of my friends told stories of clinging to the large mess tent poles to keep it (and themselves) from blowing away. I was in Owensboro moving out, so I wasn't there for it, which stinks.

The damage wasn't terribly major. Some trusses were damaged and one wall fell over. It broke the hearts of a lot of the crew to see that happen, but the next day, within three hours, the site was cleaned up, the debris dismantled and neatly stacked and work was underway.

The storm that came last Friday wasn't as bad as that. But it was nasty. Rain blowing everywhere, lightning flashing overhead, the tent pins pulling free...

Pandemonium should have erupted, but didn't. Instead, everyone sat tight while myself and six or seven other guys jumped into action, grabbed sledgehammers and started redriving the pins.

In the driving rain and the insane lightning.

Within seconds, each and every one of us was completely soaked. COMPLETELY. Even my feet and the seat of my pants.



Major props to my buddy pictured above, Levi. At the worst part of the storm, right before I did my mad bull charge, flipped a table up because jumping over it probably would have resulted in injury, and tore out into the rain to help, he was holding a tent stake in the pouring rain with lightning flashing over head. He got soaked through and through and was freezing his butt off, but still persevered on. Snaps to you, Levi.

Meanwhile, being waterlogged didn't inhibit my being retarded once the worst of the storm passed.



I almost didn't post this picture.

Why? Because the jaunty (read GAY) angle of my hard hat reveals something I don't want revealed. I saw it and immediately had to restrain a mental swear.



*sigh*

It's sad really. I have done the combover tactic more than once to try and hide the recession my hair is going through. Toupee, here I come.

Anyway, once things calmed down I went home and dried out and slept for six hours.

All was good until the next day.

When I woke up.

And my back went *creeeeeaaaaaaak*

Now, nearly a week later, it's ALMOST back to normal. I just have to be careful and not screw it up anymore.

Yep. Good chance of that.

Injury + Hydrocodone = Dariush goes off the deep end

A few years ago, back when I was a lowly band student, I played the tuba.

The tuba, however, played me as well, leaving me with two herniated vertebrae in my back. Needless to say, our relationship ended and we went our separate ways. I still have a bad back, though, and on occasion it becomes necessary to deal with the pain.

Enter Hydrocodone.

This magical stuff is also extremely habit forming if you abuse it. I will only take one per day, and never for more than a day. It's strong stuff.

For example, if Dariush's back is hurting to a severe degree, he will take a hydrocodone.

He will then proceed to go completely insane because of the effect the medicine has on him.

Being on hydrocodone is pretty much like being drunk, but a lot quicker, and a lot more fun. Basically it makes me functionally retarded.

Or maybe not so functional.

Anyway, Tuesday, I was in the shower, destankifying myself so that people don't flee from me and the smell of water buffalo that would most assuredly be clinging to me had I not bathed.



Like so.

Now, all of you have pretty much figured out one thing about me. I am accident-prone. So accident-prone in fact, that the U.N. has dudes in blue hats following me around making sure I do not procreate, so as not to endanger the world with more of my kind.

Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but oh well.

So yes, I fell in the shower.

Had I just let myself drop, I probably would have done nothing more than acquired a bruise on my rear. But no, I had to catch myself, much to the chagrin of the muscles in my back, who immediately went into spaz mode and began doing their verson of Richard Simmons' Sweatin' to the Oldies.

Anyone whose ever experienced this knows the agony that this means. Moving, walking, even breathing is agony. I found myself nearly in tears as I tried to put my shirt on a few minutes later.

So what's a guy to do?

Call Dr. Mom, of course. She recommended that I take cyclobenzaprine. I declined, knowing that this stuff is pretty much a kiss of death for anyone who has work to do. Despite my intense longing to do nothing but lie in bed, read Clive Cussler novels and giggle to myself as my ADHD-riddled mind replayed lines from timeless classics such as Spaceballs and Better Off Dead, I knew I had stuff to do.

And did I mention that this was the first week that our local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses (of which I am a member, for those of you wondering) was building a new Kingdom Hall (what we call our churches)?

Clearly, backing into this week (five yards for intentional pun) was not an option, and the worst was yet to come...

...Comes Around.

OWENSBORO, Ky. - Let me tell you the briefest of stories about a man, starting off with a few of his own words.

As I have practiced it, photography produces pleasure by simplicity. I see something special and show it to the camera. A picture is produced. The moment is held until someone sees it. Then it is theirs. - Sam Abell

I met Sam Abell in 2003. Shook his hand, said hello. He struck me as a very quiet, serene and thoughtful man. His words could be found in his pictures, loud and clear.

Oh, did I mention that Sam Abell works for this magazine? Sorry. Must have slipped my mind.

Anyway, we'll return to Sam Abell shortly. Back to yours truly.

One of the advisers approached me yesterday.

"I know you've got a lot on your plate with the multimedia work, but we were talking and we figured you'd be the best person for the job."

Huh? What the? Huh?

(Insert double take here)

Another job?

They offered me the editor-in-chief spot at The Kentuckian, UK's yearbook.

In 1967, a UK journalism student named Sam Abell created that year's yearbook. For the first time ever, it was two volumes instead of one, with the first volume being dedicated to photos about student life and campus and the second volume having team and class photos.

Forty years later (it's 2006, I know, but this will be the 2007 yearbook), the 101st edition of The Kentuckian has been offered to me.

I took the job.

Photography, alone of the arts, seems perfected to serve the desire humans have for a moment - this very moment - to stay. - Sam Abell

I'm following in the footsteps of greatness. Time to make tracks.

What goes around...

Some of you remember last year that I interviewed for Editor in Chief of the student paper here on campus and didn't get it.

Let's review what's happened since then.

About a week later, my new-boss-to-be calls me into the office.

She offers me the online editor's spot, but it's much more than just being online editor.

Background: For years, our paper has kicked tush and taken names in terms of our news coverage, photography, design, etc.

Not so with our Web site and our multimedia coverage. Technology is the wave of the future, and while other college and professional papers are doing blogs and online slideshows and audio presentations and more, our paper has been doing little more than daily putting the paper online.

Enter Dariush.



Agent Shafa,

Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to basically
build from scratch a multimedia department for your student newspaper.
You will have video, audio, slideshows, podcasting, blogging and
more as methods at your disposal.

Should you fail, you will be forever remembered as the guy who could
have been awesome, but failed miserably.

This message will self-destruct about the time your brain does.

Love,
The Student Media Adviser



So I did what any sane person in my position would do. I took the job.

But nothing could have prepared me for what was to come next...

A meme based on the number 5

Okay, Freakazojd, here's your flippin' meme. It bugs me because it's based on 5, an odd number. Odd as in not even, not as in weird. OCD wonder powers, ACTIVATE!

All answers are based on my apartment, which will no longer be mine in a couple days.

Five items in my freezer (The place didn't have a full fridge, but rather a mini-fridge, so there was pretty much NOTHING in the freezer all summer.
1. Ice cubes
2. Ice cube tray.
3. Icy frost covering all surfaces.
4.
5.

Five Items in My Closet:
1. Boxes for when I move out.
2. Clothes.
3. Dirty clothes basket.
4. Laundry detergent
5. Pair of shoes which are busted and must be thrown out (but which I keep forgetting to throw out).

Five items in the car (AKA, the junkpile)
1. Camera monopod
2. FM transmitter and power cord for ye olde iPod.
3. Lighter fluid (in the glove box, for my Zippo - the nervous habit with a purpose)
4. Coffee mug in back seat that says "My muse must be sleeping off a drunk behind a dumpster somewhere." I thought it was catchy.
5. UK Photojournalism cap

Five items in my bag/purse pockets
1. Zippo lighter
2. Tiny music box with a picture of my grandfather in it
3. Keys
4. Pen
5. Handkerchief (Yes, I carry one, because I am still somewhat old school)

I tag:
Katie Reilly... Who loves Samuel L. Jackson.
Megan Sevier... Who has a big people job now.
Jacynth... Because I have never tagged her before
Sandra... Also because I have never tagged her before
Jennifer Lankenau... Who has seemingly disappeared off the face of the Earth
...Or anyone else who feels the urge.

Home

So it's home, boys, home. Home we want to be
Home, boys, home, in God's country,
Where the Pine and the Birch and the quaking Aspen tree,
All grow together down on Lake Temagami

OWENSBORO, Ky. - Ten hours and 22 minutes. 598 miles. One pit stop.

I'm home.

The song above is a rehash of an old British sailor's tune, about being home after seeing the world. I learned it when I lived in Canada in 1997, and it gained even more meaning for me in the summer of '98.

Home for me is where I feel comfortable and at rest.

My trip to Michigan was definitely worth it, though.

I see my father twice a year or so, which makes opportunities to see him especially precious. Toss in getting to see the rest of the family - dysfunctional though we may be - makes it something I cannot pass up.



This is my Papa, my grandfather. Technically speaking, we have no relation at all by blood. His daughter is my stepmother, but he has never treated me like anything but his own.

A couple years ago, Papa suffered a spinal injury, which I'm told was a result of a fall during a stroke. For a while there, it was pretty doubtful that he would make it. You can still see the scar on the back of his head and neck from where they operated on him. I had never really seen it until this week. I can't even begin to describe what I felt when I saw it. I can't even think of it too long, or else I will break down crying.

He's a shadow of the man he used to be. I don't mean that in a malicious or resentful way at all. He was an intellectual man, thoughtful, impeccable with his words, loving to his family. He loved to be busy with things, always reading, swimming in the lake. Once, he and I drove to the family cottage in Northern Michigan from his home in Kalamazoo. It is my favorite journey to that place.

Now, he is confined to a wheelchair, totally dependent on others for all things. He cannot see well, cannot hear well, rarely speaks and almost always if someone has asked him something.

I have both my biological grandparents, and yet I feel robbed by this turn of events. I sat on the patio yesterday evening with him, keeping him company. I couldn't think of anything to say and so we sat in silence. I was silently damning myself for not being able to think of anything to talk about. If things were different, I would have any number of topics to talk to him about. But now, because he can't, I can't. I, the most verbose member of the family - by far - couldn't say a word.

"Beautiful lake," he said, looking at me, and then at the lake beyond the back patio and the beach behind the house.

These are the moments I live for with him, the moments where my Papa shines through the cards life has dealt him and still manages to throw a little light on me. We didn't need words to communicate.

Every time I see him now, I wonder if it will be the last time I see him. I pray that it isn't, but all the same, one of the most important lessons I have learned in my lifetime was reinforced entirely without words.

You don't need a lot of words to show love.